Is this what it feels like????

So I'm feeling a little funky! I feel like Bill Murray in Ground Hog's Day repeating my days exactly the same way, every day! I'm losing track of time and yet the week just won't end!!!!

Jaxon has been home all week sick, and today I started feeling not so well myself. So every day this week has been the same routine. He comes and gets in bed with me in the morning after poking me ever so gently with ONE finger and then gets in my face and asks me if I want to "have snuggles with him?" The kid knows how to pull on mom's sleepy heart-strings! My alarm will go off, I awake myself from my slumber that has just been achieved, considering that I am not asleep, EVER before 2 or 3 in the morning, and I "try" to be a mom to Cydnee and see her off to school. But this week I have pretty much sucked at that. In fact today, I felt so crappy that she was left to take care of herself completely! The rest of my days have looked exactly the same as well. Jaxon and I crawl out of bed, I roll myself and my two computers to the living room couch and it's off to work land I go. Jaxon sits next to me doing his "letters", a dry-erase alphabet book that he cannot get enough of, we watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episodes over and over and over, and eventually we get through the morning and lunch time is upon us. Once lunch time is over, the routine begins again and continues until 3:00 when my afternoon of picking-up and dropping off kids from school and to dance begins for the next five hours! And yeah, I will catch some episodes of my daily DVR fixes at the end of the evening, put the kids to bed, and somewhere around Midnight, I'm left all alone, sitting on the couch, thinking to myself, WTF? I fall asleep, I sleep for a few hours, and that little single-fingered poke gets me again, and it starts all over!

It doesn't stop. The constant worrying chatter in my head. Every day, every hour, every minute. I've got 1000 conversations going in my head, and I'm ready to explode. I know I'm not alone in this. I know I'm not the only person in the world with struggles. I know I'm not the only person with Financial struggles and facing severe issues. I know I'm not the first blended family, nor the first step-mom in the world. I know I'm not the only person out there dealing with polygamists...okay well maybe I am, at least in my circle of friends. I know I'm not the first mom with a son with ADHD and anxiety disorders. I'm not the first mom with a daughter who seems to be deaf and incapable of doing anything that I need her to during these pre-menstrual times! Seriously, is she ever going to start and relieve us all of this drama???? I know I'm not the only person out there with family drama that never seems to go away! I know I'm not the only woman out there constantly feeling badly about the way she looks, how fat she is, and all that self-loathing bit that we do. I know I'm not the only one who thinks, Wow, I should probably not feed my kid pop tarts and Caprisuns all day long! Oh wait, I probably am the only one who does that, because any of you reading this, I KNOW are better mom's than me! ;-) I get it! However right now, I'm just ready to throw my hands in the air, walk away, throw the towel in, put a fork in it, all that jazz. I'm done! I just need some sanity and peace. I need to feel for just a short time that my life is not going to Hell in a Handbasket!

It's alright to have a meltdown right? I'm not the only doing that either right?Maybe this is all because I really hate being 36? I have never hated my age until this year. I really and truly hate being 36. I feel like I've just crossed over into senior-citizenship! I hate it!

Is this what a midlife crisis feels like?I mean, I'm not out buying a luxury car, or looking for a sexy young boyfriend. I am experimenting more with my hair color, much to the delight of my hairdresser! So how do you know? How do you know if you're there? If you're having that mid-life crisis, or just plain losing your mind? Do you think Barnes & Noble has some books on this?

Yeah, Nat's needing some help here! Maybe next week while I'm in Washington, I'll pop on by the Whitehouse and see if President Obama can come up with a stimulus plan for my crisis! (Sorry to all my democratic friends...I couldn't help myself!)