My Wish (Yeah - The song playing Has Meaning Here!)

So another Mother's Day is upon us and I was thinking about where my life has been and gone in the past year. Chris was trying to help me remember all that was exactly going on that particular weekend last year and neither one of us could remember all the details. But what we both could remember was how difficult of a time it was for us, but especially for me on that particular day. My health was progressively getting worse at that point with little help or good news from doctors. My relationship with Chase was at an all-time low and his behavior was getting more and more out of control. And it was at that very week that he had told me that he no longer wanted to live with me. And even on Mother's Day itself I found myself with little love coming from the kids. Chris of course tried, but then again, whatever activity that was taking up our time and emotions just took away from everything. Whatever it was, it was overwhelming enough that we've both blocked it out. We think it was us preparing somehow to move out one of the upteen times of our house, but who knows. All-in-all, I just know, the day just wasn't a good one.

So now a year later, here I am. I've made it through a horrific surgery and hysterectomy. A cancer scare turned out to be just that. Chase is living with his dad now, but we finally have doctors helping us with his issues, and he is finally getting back to his sweet happy self. We have been in our home for almost a year now and so thankful for that. And as I think about this Sunday, the only thing I can think of is I am just so thankful that I have this Sunday to be here for. I didn't think I would be here; I truly didn't. And I guess, I just wanted to take the time somehow to capture my thoughts on what being a mom means to me.

I have joked with each of you reading this, or even cried with you at some point about how we all feel like we have failed as moms. Did I mess up this? Did I mess up that? Did I do them wrong by this? Did I do them wrong by that? Stay at home? Work? Don't Work? Day care? Home School? No School? Long Hair? Who Cares? What????? So many things we worry about every minute of every day. But at the end of the day, I look at all of our kids and I know without a doubt that they are loved and they know they are loved. I just hope and pray they will always remember that! So here are just a few thoughts for each of my kids. I hope you will indulge me.

What Abbie Loves: Her Frenz, Her Phone, Music, Dancing, Boyz, Her Dog, Her Family

My Favorite Moment: My "Mom" Hug & Kiss every time she comes home...Never misses one!

My WISH for Abbie: That she will find her own way. That she will become the beautiful young woman inside her. That she will continue to be my friend. That she will know I will be here for her through the good and the bad.

What Connor Loves: Basketball, Skateboarding, Dogs, Vets, Jazz, Playing Guitar

My Favorite Moment: Playing "Mario Party 8" Alone with Connor

My WISH for Connor: That he will grow up to be a strong, independent adult. That he will always lead by example to his brothers and his friends. That he will be a hard worker like his dad. That he will value marriage and his wife like his dad does. That he will never stop laughing.

What Cydnee Loves: Monkees, Dancing, Art, Dolls, Anything Pink, Anything High School Musical or Hannah Montana

My Favorite Moment: My special notes, art work, and colorful letters on my whiteboard in my office.

My WISH for Cydnee: That she will grow up with a very strong sense of self. That she will have the belief in herself to do whatever she puts her mind up to do. That she will have love in her heart as strong as does today...tomorrow. That she will know how much I love her. That she will know I will be her best friend forever.

What Chase Loves: Riding his Scooter, Skateboarding, Golfing, Fishing, Playing Video Games, BYU

My Favorite Moment: Snuggling with Chase during Family Movie Night

My WISH for Chase: That he always press forward. That he always realize what a wonderful and sweet person he is and how much potential he has. That he knows how much we love and believe in him. That he knows, no matter where I am, with him or not, that I he's my heart!

What Jaxon Loves: Lighting McQueen, Spiderman, Guitar Hero, Pop Tarts, Alvin & the "Chicmunks"

My Favorite Moment: Every single time he tells me "Mommy you're my best friend!" (Even when he's trying to get out of being in trouble!)

My WISH for Jaxon: That he grows up knowing what joy he has brought to my life. That he knows how much I love him and of all children in heaven to be blessed with for my last child...I couldn't have been blessed with one greater or more sweeter. He's my Pookie!